twilight gets twisted !
by Sexy-Vampirre
Summary: lets just say its very messed. and Carly is one of my good friends..along with haley,nikole,and ally. have fun reading !P
1. Chapter 1

Twisted chapter one.

Bella-Me and Edward have been married for 2 monthsnow, and i'm enjoying it. Well..except, I'm still getting used to everyone always looking at me funny when I come downstairs in Edwards clothes...

Alice-It;s getting annoying always seeing whats Edward is planning to do with Bella, if you know what I mean...Anyways, Carlisle and Esme dont pay much attention to Bella anymore, Rosalie never did..and Emmet occasionally makes fun of her but Edward gets so pissed off..its kind of funny

Edward- I truly wish Alice would go away..everytime she looks at me and Bella in the morning when we're in a good mood,she thinks very innapropriate things..

Bella-Sometimes I would go take a shoer and I'd hear shuffleing noises,I'd always thought it was Edward..but..

Edward- Emmet isnt paying much attention to Rosalie, so she is thinking of leaving to be a hooker. Emmet seems to be "Focused" on something...or someone..

Alice- I feel like Emmet needs a hobby or a life style. So i decided to help him,thats not wat we're talking about now so i'll save that for later..So as i was saying, as Rosalie left to become a hooker,Jasoer has been acting weird lately...he only wears black now and for some reason my razors are missing..

Bella- Then again today, I was taking a shower and heard the same noises as before, and as i was thinking about going to take a peek, i noticed i had forgotten my towel.So I decided to pull the certain back, and I saw EMMET grabbing razors and my clothes ! when he'd realized I was standing there,naked, he shriecked and ran out of the bathroom..still carrying my clothes..

Edward-I swear Emmet was straight, but I dont know what happend ! I hope Rosalie is taking this well. I hope he's feeling better, after i kicked his ass for taking Bella's bras and razors. He apologized and said that he'd been doing crack for a week and didnt know what he was doing.

Alice-I knew Emmet was gay ! But I what I didnt know was, Jasper is emo ! And he was using my RAZORS to try to cut his wrists. When Emmet confessed to being Gay, Carlisle told Esme that she didnt look good in the dress she was wearing, Esme left to join Rosalie, and so I went just for the hell of it.

Bella- After I went to talk to Jasper, Emmet walked into edwards room, and I was getting undressed and then he looked at my shirt and yelled " AHH IT'S EVIL DR. FLOPPY PANCAKES !" and then ran out !

Edward- I understand that it's caos at our mansion due to Emmet's confession,The girls leaving, and Jasper going emo has caused a tension in the houseand so i needed a little alone time. I brought Mike Newton to a strip club and as I was throwing cash out, I noticed that the dancers were Alice,Rosalie, and Esme ! I ran out and went into an alleyway and say in the corner. I was pretty sure i was scarred for life.

Bella- When everyone had arrived at home,they all found me with a bunch of juice on me, and the floor. I tried to explain what happend but all they did was laugh at me !I'll show them, i thought to myslef

Alice-Everyone was out hunting exept Bella, so me and Edward decided to leave early,just in case Bella decided to jump off another cliff and as soon as we walked inside all we smelt was wet dog..

Edward- I ran up stairs thinking that the dogs killed Bella, but when I got to my bedroom door,my jaw dropped. BELLA AND JACOB WERE DOIN THE NASTY ! the worst part..they were doin it..WITHOUT ME !( i could use a nose plug to plug out the nasty smell of the dogs). I left and decided to be a drug dealer.

Bella- When Edward walked in on me and Jake, I felt a bit bad, but then Ihe left without giving me time to give a good excuse ! Alice was crushed too. So i bought her a pony, and she was happy again.

Alice- I luffs my pony Bella bought me! anyways,Jasper is over his phase, but is a real horn dog lately..Ohwell ! Emmet and Rosalieare starting to get better, and Jasper keeps me busy wink wink and Edward if over his drugs and Bella told Jacob to never come in the house again.

Bella- I'm sad Jacob cant come in the house anymore..but at least I still have Edward..after about 50 showers !

Edward-I;m happy everyone else is having a good time, but now I have to live with the pictures in Jacobs head! Yuck ! He's one horn dog..worse than sam with Emily ! anywho..I look forward to playing some secret spy when a certain someone is in the shower! MUHAHAHA !

Alice- GROW UP EDWARD..jeeze !

Bella-huh?

Edward- NEVERMIND BELLA ! ALICE SHUT UP !


	2. Chapter 2

Twisted Chapter Two

Edward- I couldnt believe Bella and Jacob were in MY house,MY room doin the nasty, and now she drinks all my chocolate milk ! What a bitch !...

Jacob-Bella is amazing..as am I winkwink ..but that bloodsucker..i know bella loves me..

Bella- I'm starting to have feelings..for..Leah Clearwater..stronger than friendship, hwo will I tell Edward ?

Alice- I was laying next to Jasper and then it hit me(not wat yu think !god..lol) I dont have feelings for Jasper anymore..I think i'm in love with..Bella

Jacob- I answered the phone and heard Bella's voice. " JAKE JAKE !" she screamed. I thought Edward had hurt her but then she said I love..and then i got hopeful but then one STUPID word was said.." LEAH !"

Alice- I knew Bella was going to leave Edward, but i couldnt help tell him it didnt go to well..

Edward- I was actually relieved to be able to tell Bella that i didnt "like" Jacob..I was in love with him ! We're the PERFECT couple ! He could warm me when i'm colder than usual..I could cool him down after he's done with Sam and the others...

Bella- Damn that Edward ! I knew he loved Jacob. Like that day when we were all in the tent, he wasnt JEALOUS of Jake, he was jealous of ME ! wow ! I'm actually involved with Leah now...I hope it works out for Edward and Jake...

Jacob- Wow that girl was pretty !Her name was Carly, I think i've imprinted on her! Well..i'm dating her so too bad for Edward !

Carly- Jacob is the best ! I mean why would she pass a macho man like Jacob ? GOD ! I'll just have to look out for Edward...that hottie ! NO WAIT ! No! bad carly I love Jacob...AHH CRAPP !

Bella-I dont like that "Carly" girl ! she's taking my Jacob ! well...he WAS my jacob..now LEAH is mine..

Alice-I told Bella about my feelings for her and now I'm CRUSHED ! I tried to go back to Jasper..but he had a GIRLFRIEND ALREADY ! Sometimes I wonder why I waited for him in that disguisting diner...NEVER again !

Jasper- Wow ! Haley is the BEST girlfriend i have EVER had..this time I met her in our meadow! Sometimes I wonder..how do i do it ?..jeeze !

Haley- Jasper is a GREAT "lover" ! Sometimes I just..ugh ! I think Alice is making a HUGE mistake by going fo rBella..I hear bad things about that Bella...

Jacob- I saw another girl in the woods on the river bank. She said her name was Nikole. I left Carly and went with Nikole. I deffanetly INprinted her winkwink

Carly- I was just sitting there, crying on a tree branch, and then a REALLY hot guy came and told me that I was beautiful. I asked why he was so sad and he said it was because...

Edward- JACOB DENYED ME ! I thought I loved him, but now I;m in love with that beautiful girl in the tree !

bella- I WANT MY EDWARD BACK ! I hope hes not taken...

Jasper- Out of no where the volturi showed p and they RAPED haley ! then they robbed me and Haley decided to leave with the volturi because if she didnt do so..i'd be slaughtered. she saved me ! D

Haley- I will NEVER forget that sexy beast..well onto another series..RUPERT GRINT HERE I COME !Carly- We were sitting on a bridge when Bella showed up

Bella-" Edward!, oh baby I made a HUGE mistake ! IM SORRY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK !" I asked as i ran up to him..

Carly- Bella didnt know this but Edward had "changed" me 4 days ago and her scent was driving me crazy ! ..good thing it was 2:30 am !

Bella-" HEY ! GET OFF HIM YU HOOKER !" I screamed

Edward- I so much wanted to kill the bitch myself but i just couldnt hold Carly back...

Bella- " Me and Leah are over because of YOU!" points at edward " ITS ALL YUR FAULT !" I screamed at him

Carly-" DONT POINT AT MY MAN !" I got into position..

Edward- nods yes "GO FOR IT !"

Carly- I killed bella with no problem at all D

Alice-"Jasper! oh come back to me please ?!" i asked him hopeing to get somewhere with him..

Jasper-"oh...okay" I said annoyed

Carly-" now we're bella free!"

Edward-" yes, we are..good job babe !"

Emmet- I, Emmet am not gay. however..Rosalie,uhmm,has turned herself...into a..boy..

AT JACOB'S HOUSE

Jacob- I love yu Nikole ! 3kisses forehead

Nikole-I love yu too moves closer to kiss jacob

BACK AT THE CULLENS..

Jasper-"damnit Alcie wait till later !

Carly-" Edward..shower..D

Edward-" meet yu there in 2 mins" winkwink

Alice-" awwwe ! my pony died ! starts crying

Jasper-" oh shut up about the stupid pony!"

NIKOLE AND JACOB SHOW UP AND EDWARD LETS THEM IN...

Nikoe- gasps to break silence " SEXY TIME ?!"

Alice- " OKAY !" D

Jasper-"sure.."

Emmet- " ABSO-FREAKING-LUETLY !"

Jacob-" can I join ?"

Jasper-" NO!"

Nikole-" yes !" getting mad

Jasper- NO EFFING WAY MAN !"

Nikole- " Jasper..unless yu want to be NUTLESS, jacob is joining " smiles

Jasper-snarls " FINE!"

Emmet-" Edward and Carly are doin it in the shower, Rosalie left me for a horse and everyone else are back to normal..at least i think so..

Carly-" EDWARD STOP POKING ME !"

Edward- " ohh sorry! " hehe


End file.
